Thursday, September 27, 2007

Getting It Right

Boy and I have been getting it wrong a lot, recently.
We've been failing scenes. Occasionally we've been failing scenes really spectacularly. One when I was supposed to be Domming ended in me crying and refusing to let him touch me. Last night he was Domming a rope scene that ended instead in his needing to be fed Mac&Cheese and petted a bit.
There are a lot of obstacles to be overcome before we get to easy, excellent scenes again. Our hands are currently unused to rope -- at least in scenes. At Floating World we put a series of people up in the air, but that's a task that takes nothing but simple skills. If you know every step and how to check that you've done it correctly, its easy as pie. Tying up someone you love so that they can get lost in the rope, doing something creative and interesting without having to rig and re-rig, check and re-check till the position can't be held anymore ... that's different.
Boy edges towards puppy whenever he feels submissive, which isn't good either. Puppy play is sweet and simple and endlessly fun, but it can only go so deep. The careful set-up of a scene, the slow progression of sensation that leads to perhaps the best of all scenes cannot be done with your squirming ball of puppidy goodness.
And we are having trouble with our schedules. Late mornings are excellent, but it means that there hasn't yet been an End Of The Day. My obligations start around three in the afternoon and can continue until midnight. Boy is less-so, but still sort of, the same. We do our homework late, we piddle away free time in the afternoons, and we are too tired to really scene most nights. Which would be fine, but we're also too tired to just play around with rope and improve our skills.
I miss pegging him. I miss being hung from the ceiling. I miss submitting to his will -- but in order to that, he needs to have a will I can submit to. He needs to have the brain to plan a scene. Not just WANT a scene... we both want scenes very badly. But when you want a scene and can't plan it, you end up with, well, a failed scene. At least a lot of the time.
But we've dealt. He knows he needs to take better care of himself, eat enough food, get enough sleep, do his work reasonably early so that we aren't getting our work finished at 1:00 AM and then trying to scene there after.
We're working through all this.
We're getting it right.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Inner Child - 1, Thesis Monster - 0

Take that, busy-stressed-out-not-eating-right-not-getting-enough-sleep-type-schedule!
Last night at around one or two in the morning, after working all night, Boy and I pulled our harried selves together and did what needed to be done.
We built a fort. Boy built it, actually, out of my big purple blanket and, of course, some rope. There's a big tent over his bed, now. Of course then we didn't have a blanket on the bed, so I had to go get my comforter. Then we curled up in our little fort and shortly after that we fucked.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to start apologizing to neighbors again.

This was not a scene, but it came after two scenes. The more recent of them was a fairly intense role-play scene. Here is something that does not come out way too much: Boy is a puppy. He is my big, fuzzy puppy. This is a very private, but very important, form of play for us. He recently expressed interest in, in his words, "a visit to the vet". A more impersonal form of play with the puppy. This we did, and it was fairly exceptional. I examined him for prowess and ability in all those things that my puppy needs to do. My puppy does not need to be able to fetch, particularly. He needs to be fit and healthy, and I did examine all parts of his body, from legs to teeth. But he also needs to be able to preform his boy-puppy duties. So we used the inflatable butt plug to test his ability to take things in his bum, and we tested how well he could use his mouth, and we tested how well he could fuck. I was very pleased with the scene. It was a nice melding of concepts, and we kept up roles for the entirety. It was fun to be the Nice Lady Vet instead of the doting or disciplining owner.

Puppy says he'll need to continue to have regular visits to the vet every couple of months, which sounds good to me, as well.

This came after, a few days before, an intense rope scene by the Boy. I seem to recall being tied into a little ball, rolled on my back and fucked. There were other ties before that, and I know that I stayed in difficult bondage for a longer time than we usually leave it, which is good. Boy and I practice Comfort Bondage much of the time, but I think it's definitely worthwhile to have to really work for it every once in a while.

So: last time I posted about missing scenes, I got a comment from Tyr saying that we'd have plenty of time to scene when the thesis was over. That is unacceptable to us, and while I'm sure we won't always have time to scene once a week, I don't think we'll be waiting till the end of the year, either.

So take that, Thesis Monster.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Things I Miss

1) Doing Scenes.

In my head, there is a distinct difference between Kinky Sex and Doing A Scene. Boy and I have a lot of kinky sex. In fact, Boy and I rarely, if ever, have non-kinky sex. Somebody is generally dominant, wrists are pinned, maybe a bit of rope employed. Nails are used, pressure points, a lot of growling. We're just kinda, y'know... kinky.

Doing a scene is a different thing. Scenes involve planning on the part of the Dominant, the submissive, or both. Scenes involve more elaborate bondage, or various different implements, sensations, or lack of sensations employed. Scenes might have some role play, and almost certainly have more defined roles. Scenes take some time, and have quite a large non-sexual component, be it flogging or punching or suspension or whatever it may be.

Scenes take up quite a bit of the Brain.

Boy and I are running on about 5% brain capacity. We both have theses, we're starting classes up, we've got this society/house that takes up a lot of time and energy, everything is up in the air, we can hardly remember how to study, hell, we have to put plans into our little kink group -- we have no Brain left for scenes.

But we miss them.

So here's my thought: Strict Thesis Advisor, Lazy and Ill Prepared Student role play. It's a whole new twist on the School Marm thing. I can punish him for not working! He can punish me for not working!
Or, wait. That probably wouldn't be very good incentive for either of us to work.
How about: Over Joyed Thesis Advisor, Very Hard Working Student role play. I can reward him for working! He can reward me for working! We'll never, ever have to stop thinking about our thesis! Food will explode out of my brain! The Theater will never be the same!

Ok. Breathing. Breath in, breath out. Perhaps combining Scenes with Theses is not the best way of solving this problem. I think actually it will solve itself. As bizarre as it seems, we've only been here a week. We will figure out our schedule and when we have time: last year we had Wednesdays put aside for scenes. It was a bad idea, because then Wednesday rolled around and neither of us was feeling inspired, when on Saturday we'd been raring to go. I think we'll just say "look, two hour a week we'll be Sceneing. It'll happen when it happens, and we'll accept it as a necessary use of time for our continued sanity."

There'll be little enough keeping that in place this year.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Oh God I'm Tired

I fell asleep on my floor. I was reading a book, propped up on some pillows, and then I was out for about half an hour.
I have a whole helluva lot of work to do, but my brain is not going to be bent to it, and that's that. I must rest in the belief that my brain will get fixed and time will somehow make itself available.
Why am I so tired, you ask? Well, I haven't really stopped. Not since Floating World, that most fabulous of events. Where I learned how to properly throw a single tail, a skill which I hope to improve to the point where it might, at some point, be useful in play. Where I met amazing people, made friends, reached out, and mostly just hung an alarming number of lovely individuals in the air. With a chain hoist. Our first shot at non static bondage. It was pretty great to be able to actually stand beneath the stomach of somebody we'd hung in the air.
I sadly did not get to go up so high, but I was put in a suspension on my side, and in an inverted vertical, both of which were fun and cool, if a bit hard on the body. After the event, we came back, packed up the apartment, drove out of New York City in a U-Haul, moved into our rooms (mostly) and attempted to get classes and help handle a lot of situations that have been stewing here all summer.
So I'm exhausted. Happy, but exhausted.
Tomorrow is the first meeting of our little group. It'll be good to have it a reality again, and to discuss all the cool possibilities that Floating World opened up for us. It'll be good to eat pizza after.
I hope to blog more often as I've got huge amounts to say. But I can't promise.
Right now I can't really promise I'll be awake at dinner time.
Still: I exist. And a shout out to all of the fabulous folks we met, the short one and the tall one, the sweet one and the one that calls him hers, and the Bear who showed us around, showed us the ropes, and generally helped to make the trip exceptional.
Boy and I both hope to see you all very soon indeed.