Thursday, September 27, 2007

Getting It Right

Boy and I have been getting it wrong a lot, recently.
We've been failing scenes. Occasionally we've been failing scenes really spectacularly. One when I was supposed to be Domming ended in me crying and refusing to let him touch me. Last night he was Domming a rope scene that ended instead in his needing to be fed Mac&Cheese and petted a bit.
There are a lot of obstacles to be overcome before we get to easy, excellent scenes again. Our hands are currently unused to rope -- at least in scenes. At Floating World we put a series of people up in the air, but that's a task that takes nothing but simple skills. If you know every step and how to check that you've done it correctly, its easy as pie. Tying up someone you love so that they can get lost in the rope, doing something creative and interesting without having to rig and re-rig, check and re-check till the position can't be held anymore ... that's different.
Boy edges towards puppy whenever he feels submissive, which isn't good either. Puppy play is sweet and simple and endlessly fun, but it can only go so deep. The careful set-up of a scene, the slow progression of sensation that leads to perhaps the best of all scenes cannot be done with your squirming ball of puppidy goodness.
And we are having trouble with our schedules. Late mornings are excellent, but it means that there hasn't yet been an End Of The Day. My obligations start around three in the afternoon and can continue until midnight. Boy is less-so, but still sort of, the same. We do our homework late, we piddle away free time in the afternoons, and we are too tired to really scene most nights. Which would be fine, but we're also too tired to just play around with rope and improve our skills.
I miss pegging him. I miss being hung from the ceiling. I miss submitting to his will -- but in order to that, he needs to have a will I can submit to. He needs to have the brain to plan a scene. Not just WANT a scene... we both want scenes very badly. But when you want a scene and can't plan it, you end up with, well, a failed scene. At least a lot of the time.
But we've dealt. He knows he needs to take better care of himself, eat enough food, get enough sleep, do his work reasonably early so that we aren't getting our work finished at 1:00 AM and then trying to scene there after.
We're working through all this.
We're getting it right.


Anonymous maymay said...

Mm, this is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Thanks for putting it into words.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous ~vicki said...

don't consider it "failing"..consider it learning...even the best "planned" scene can end up quite differently than expected. You are still learning about eachother and that will help you read others that you may play with as well. Don't put so much pressure on yourselves...just let things happen and it will all work out.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

..yep. again, i want to comment but you've pretty much said everything that i'd think of to say. though i just realized that I'm going to be stuck as a service top to the theater department 'til november... hopefully i can figure out how to keep that out of our interactions, but that energy isn't helpful. anyway, who knows, tonight holds little but friends and the good King Arthur. so we'll see. and we'll get it right.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Týr said...

Maja and I felt the same way in college, and still do. Face it: life has a habit of getting in the way of what you'd rather be doing, such as each other. No matter how much you'd rather be playing, there will always be something you'd rather do.

As long as you don't let it become too much of a bother, if you can just (to a certain degree) accept it and work around that, then all will be well.

Don't worry - noone is able to compartmentalize work and play as well as they'd like. Just don't let it get you down.

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Dov said...

Movement happens it just takes time, just breath

9:54 AM  
Anonymous maja said...

I'm not surprised to see Tyr chiming in here, and I'd like to echo him. Play is, well, play. And more advanced play can hold so much release for the stressed-out times, but it obviously creates its own stresses as well. For me, the worst thing to do is treat scenes like chores - it psyches me out, and the scene goes haywire before Tyr and I are even in the same room.
Which is not to say that all play should be impromptu. Just resist the temptation to try and do everything at once. It's hard!

12:56 AM  

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