Top 5

So I have been reading the article in the NY Times magazine about what women want, and now I think it is time to relay to all of you what it is I want.

1) I want sex without control. I do not want to be in control or under control, I want to be out of control. I want to meet my partner halfway and glue myself to him like I was coated in epoxy. I want to meet fully dressed, to be down on the bed when he breaks for a moment to pull of his shirt and reveal gorgeous, golden, perfect shoulders. I want to scramble to the top and kiss my way down from there. I want it all, hot and focused and with untouchable equality, touch for touch, scratch for scratch, bite for bite, moan for moan, beginning from two fully clothed people standing across the room and ending with two naked, sweat drenched, heaving people who can do nothing but giggle and, with any luck, eat ice cream. Not sex like the first time. Sex like the first time with him, sex like how the first time out to be, sex like in an alleyway or on a fire escape. Just plain, gorgeous, raw sex.

2) I want strength. I want a man in the archway between my rooms, spread eagled and well muscled and unbreakable, and then I want to hit him till he breaks. I want to rip away layer up on layer of stoic silence until I pull the whimpers and show the vulnerable, pale underbelly, the boy in the darkness. I want to start slowly, build slowly, stroke for stroke with never a not of hurry, adding pain to pain to ache to groan to skin red and blood at the surface and nerves on fire. I want somebody who doesn't want to want me to take them and break them into bits, and then I want to break them into bits and hand them back and I want the response to be thank you. Oh, thank you.

3) I want somebody who is small but naughty, interesting and wicked and in need of being bent over a cushion and taking for me strokes with the cane, stroke after stroke, rapid and fast, deep and slow, welt raising and skin searing and gasp inducing. I want to see the blood on the inside of his lip where he's bitten it through trying not to cry out (and he failed).

4) I want trust. I want to feel golden in my power, to feel I can do no wrong. I want a boy tied spinning in the archway, one foot on the ground and the other stretched near his head (which he can do because he stretched before hand), and I want to stroke and to touch and to add rope to rope until just holding it is pain enough, but so beautiful, and he spins and I spin and he believes I can place the ropes, believes I have placed them right and that he is lovely and that is my doing.

5) I want to be wanted. I want to be needed. I want to be under power, taken down, taken apart and put back together with patience, with confidence, with planning and care. I want to be beautiful, nude, tied, desired. I want to be hurt and comforted and hurt again. I want to be beaten bloody and screaming and broken and then taken care of for hours if need be. I want to hang from the ropes with the candle above me and say yes, light it, light them all, it will hurt but I want to see the glow. I want submit to something, but I need something to submit to. I want strength, my own. I want to hold it in my hands and give it to someone to trust someone with it and when they have my strength, they can break it till I'm weak, and when they have my weakness, they can give me back my strength. With kisses, the way they want and not the way they think I want. With the bits of my body they love and not the ones they think they ought to love. I want somebody who wants me for no other reason than that they do.

Yeah, that. And also sex.