Friday, July 18, 2008

Howzzat for a Whine?

Thank you to everyone who called and commented. I've been using this blog as an emotional outlet for years, and its only recently that anybody who cared was reading the thing. It changes the nature of my bitch-posts. They can nolonger be just ranting into a space that only Boy and myself will be. The terror of the blog is that I let y'all into every little down, and I worry that you might not have a good hold on just how little they are.
That said, having read your comments, everybody seems to have a perfectly sound grasp on where I'm coming from when I do this. Utter, sincere, miserable dejection, but the dejection of a moment. Nothing more.
The Irishman commented to me that I seem to be having some trouble dealing with space and my relationship. Half the time I'm grabbin' for more distance, half the time I'm begging to be loved. I hope the swings are less drastic for Boy than they feel for me, but the truth is, I'll even out.
I graduated from university just a few months ago. I haven't yet started my new life with Boy. Everything is going fine, but still, living in the middle of a very long, very intense transition has got to be creeping in around the edges. I think for him as well as for me. Actually, I know for him. And for everybody in my like situation.
My goal is just to not freak out about freaking out. To ride my emotions, deal with the lows and enjoy the highs, and if I haven't evened out in a few months, when things are settled, well then I'll think about it. For now, I take for granted that Boy and I will be fine, we are in love, we'll make a happy home, and everything will work out eventually. It will bump and we will fight and I might do myself a mischief, but that's run of the mill by now, and as long as we keep talkin' we'll be fine.
So, just so you know. That's how I feel, really, basically, at the bottom of it all.

And in the mean time, when things are edgy and there's nobody around to talk to, I will spill my brief miseries to you here on the internet, and because I am embarrassed that I do, I will not take them down. Better to own to my idiocy than remove all trace.

Reunion with Boy in just two days. This time, no cramps, no bleeding, and extra hormones for the nobabies.

I intend fun.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Dov said...

Hugs

11:51 PM  
Blogger The Boy said...

swings and bumps are a part of life... more fun when they're physical rather than emotional, but a bit of both ain't bad. i love you muchly... sad that our reunion has been delayed, but it'll be all the better.

4:53 PM  

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