Friday, April 04, 2008

a little thing

We're still up and down. Final week. Work kills me.
When not working, I take care of friends with cancer scares and teach interested parties about my society and do other stuff. Not much rest.

I have read Hannah's wonderful post about drop, and dealing with it.

Boy, said I. That's very responsible. She takes good care of her mind, her body and her partners, both before and after scenes.

Maybe it is because we are younger, or maybe it is because we only really ever play with each other, and so its much easier to get lazy about such things, or maybe it is because college life does not well allow for taking a day of rest because of drop, but man are Boy and I not that good about such things.

The way we plan it, we don't have ANY time for aftercare scheduled at all. Recently I beat Boy as close to senseless as I could manage, and when we planned that scene we hoped to go out to a party afterwards. Now, we failed, of course, but if I'd managed to beat him up in less than two hours, I think we'd have gone.

I wonder how Boy felt after that scene? He seemed pretty ok. Usually after a I top a really mean scene, I'm the one who needs cuddles. All the Big just drains right out of me and I look at this boy turning purple and red and think "Oh. God. Did I do that?" And then he has to take care of me. Which he did. There was ice cream.

But I wonder if as I gain a bit of age and a bit of perspective, I will start to be better about all of this. Scene Drop didn't make it in to my earliest Kink education. We talked about negotiations and about aftercare and about safewords, but the aftercare I always figured was a sort of ad-hoc, for a few moments or an hour or maybe even two sort of thing. It didn't extend for days.

College is really, really fast paced. Yesterday morning is so far away I can hardly conjure it up. By this evening, I'll have gone through the mental equivalent of passing through four time zones and back. It makes it very hard to look at scenes and drop and aftercare as spanning hours or days. There's just so much.

But reading about it, it sounds good. It sounds like time to absorb, to reconvene, to pull together. It sounds like the way I always want kink to be, coming out of each scene a stronger, more layered person.

I have, as notices all over campus keep telling me, just 60 days before I cease to be a college student. I will miss having my meals paid for, I will miss living in a house full of my friends, I will miss this campus, this place, these people, the classes and the professors and the safety of having something in loco parentis. But. I am ready to look at my life on a scale not dictated by school breaks and what classes I have what day. I am ready for the weekend to be the weekend, the week to be the week, and months to slide into one another without a little break here and a little break there, until I choose to use some vacation days and take one of my own.

As long as I'm not in a cubicle, that will be fine.

And I will start to think about such things as long-term drop. When I can.

5 Comments:

Blogger sara. said...

profound.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Dov said...

People develop their own protective structures on there own when your in a couple the protective structures develop along the lines of the relationship.

Sometimes "dropping" means needing to curl up in a corner mentally and figuratively and other times it means being engaged and involved with the people or person we are with.

Maybe Boys handling of "Drop" is taken care of by managing your "Drop", As I say to people who ask me about how it works with other people I always point out that they arent other people.

The bubble will soon eject you onto the world and life will be all different and yet it wont be.

Just pay attention ;-)

12:02 PM  
Blogger The Boy said...

I mean, ice cream and cuddles is aftercare, even if it's shorter and less scheduled than what Hannah writes about. It's strange how college is supposed to be about taking time to learn in depth, a space away from the world where one can learn and consider and create - all that would seem to imply contemplation and quiet. It ain't so. I can't wait to leave, or at least can't wait to be out from under this thesis. And then, we'll see. TIme will be different... everything will be different. And yet, as mentioned, not. Home is where you are, love.

8:11 PM  
Blogger Týr said...

The cubicle I don't mind so much. The worst is wearing a tie every day and the expectation of overtime.

12:11 AM  
Blogger Goose said...

Youth has it's benefits. My drop? Was really long and hard as befitting a matron of my advanced age. But I do think, depending on the scene (mental? physical?) or person or situation the aftercare can be short and simple or long and profound.
It's good to think about anyway.

7:51 PM  

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