Monday, December 12, 2005

Trust Your Bottom, Trust Your Top

I've been thinking alot about the trust thing. I only really got into this over the past six months or so, and I can safely say that all of my BDSM experiance is attached to one partner. This partner and I are nonmonogamous, we're not in a relationship, we're not in love. We're close friends and we've been on-and-off play partners for just about a year now.
The BDSM aspect has built itself up gradually, step by step, comfort level by comfort level. Now we play with rope and restraints and a flogger and a buttplug and all sorts of lovely stuff along those lines.
Last night I was a pet. My master told me to keep still and then he teased me till I drove my nails into my palms, but I kept still. He suspended my arms from a loop above the bed, had me kneel and show me with my mouth how much I wanted him. And I wanted him.
It's easy, with him, to roll over and play the pet. It's easy, now, to slip into that role. And I'm a proud little pet, I really am. I will not be squicked. If my master wants it of me, I will do my best to give it to him (though I am careful about letting him know my boundaries before we go into scene).
The scene went over well. Left me twitchy, which is always good. I am getting the slightest bit restive, though. When I'm topping I tend to avoid intercourse, because it's not something I can control very well, and so it's difficult. My partner is a huge fan of intercourse from behind. Which is fine with me, I've learned that I enjoy it, but I would like to return to other positions, as when he has his way with me, he has it that way, and when I have my way with him, there's not really sex per-say involved.
Post-scene, as ever, we talked. Discovered the discrepency in experiance with the scene. He's been at this alot longer than I have, it seems... He's been getting tied down since I was giving head to boys who didn't understand the norm of reciprocity.
He mentioned an online service type thing, I'm not sure what. One where people post about such preferences in search of like-minded play partners. He talked of maybe getting in touch with another switch.
And I wonder if I could do that? Could I top somebody I didn't know, if I knew they wanted it? Could I let someone I hadn't touched before tie me down?
I'm not all that promiscuous a person, but I'm pretty loose about the giving end of oral-sex, so it might work.
What I realized, though, is that as non-monogamous, non-commited as we are, we have for the past six months had a fairly exclusive relationship, in that we don't get to tie our other partners up. I've been special because I've been the girl with whom my partner experiments, pushes boundaries, goes farther.
I wonder if I'd lose that if he found another player.
I've been thinking about it all morning. And where I am now -- I don't really have the option of not being ok with this, because that's not how the relationship works, and it's not the sort of person I am. And in the end, while it would take me a while to get used to, I'd be ok.
But I want that site.
If he can track down someone new to play with so can I. I hooked-up with my first totally new person in months recently, and you know what? It's fun. I could do that.

As a closing note, I'm not sure how long this 'pet' thing is going to last. I'm edging towards domming like I've never dommed before. If I'm so in charge, why should I be so nice?
Pet's are all very well, but I could use a slave for a night.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you're in the mood, all you need to do is give me a safeword, Mistress.

5:17 AM  
Blogger maymay said...

There is something wonderfully languid, erotically fluid, about bottoming that, I believe, comes from the ability in part to be both loved as a pet might be and abused as a slave might be. Sometimes this can happen at once and other times the distinction, I find, is necessary, but a similar erotic nature from each of these states permeates them both.

4:31 PM  

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